For
argument's sake, I'm going to call March 2015 my Gastroparesis
Birthday, so it will be five years of living—I chose to say LIVING
as opposed to SUFFERING, personal preference—with this
uncomfortable disease. Let me be the first to tell you that it is
VERY hard not to wallow in self-pity when it comes to Gastroparesis.
You feel like you have the stomach flu 24/7, 365; you are hardly ever
hungry and when you are hungry, you're limited on what you can eat;
and then the worst part—DUM DUM DUUUUM—you end up vomiting up
your food or water or nothing at all a good chunk of the time.
There's this worry that lingers in the back of your mind all of the
time “am I dehydrated?” or “I hope I've managed to eat enough
so I'm not malnourished” all while you've got a smile plastered on
your face and people telling you that you “look great!” or that
you “look fabulous!” or that “there's no way that you can be
sick!” Well, I hate to break it to you, sister, not every illness
comes with visible implications of it's damage, but I digress.
There
is this emotional toll that is waged upon a person with Gastroparesis
(or anyone with an invisible illness, for that matter) when there is
a flare up, when they know they have engagements/plans to keep with
friends but are too tired or too sick to keep them. Will the friends
understand that I am just ABSOLUTELY exhausted today and cannot get
out of bed? Will they understand the reasoning behind my making 6, 7,
8 trips back and forth to the bathroom to throw up? Maybe, maybe not.
Let me tell you, depending on the person, it is VERY hard to explain
to people exactly what Gastroparesis is, particularly the vomiting
part. That, in my opinion, is the part that people understand the
least and fear the most. “Certainly she's MAKING herself throw up”
they'll say. Or the always helpful “have you tried________”. Yes,
yes I have, but thank you. People grasp certain diseases. They may
not fully understand them, but they grasp them because they are
talked about, they are more prevalent—which is VERY sad, don't get
me wrong—but when it's something new and it's something
different...WHOA, pump the breaks!
And
then I thought to myself one day “Christine, you just throw up your
food. It's not cancer, it's not affecting your brain in any way, lets
gain a little perspective here.” There are SO many people out there
fighting things that are SO much worse than me; granted, there are
people with the very same disease that I have that have a much harder
time than I do and that's not lost on me, but in my world, I have to
have perspective in order to survive. In your world and what you are
experiencing, you have to have perspective and understanding in order
to survive. I know that, for me, things could be significantly worse.
Yes, I have “significant gastroparesis”, migraines, and chronic
vertigo but I am alive and I can still walk, talk, work, and do
(most) of the things that I want to do. Sometimes, because I don't
take in all of the nutrients that I need (due to the aforementioned
reasons) I get tired really quick so that cuts into things I want to
do, but hopefully with the help of my Best Buddy Alfred (my Gastric
Neurostimulator) things will start looking up!
God
has shown me a lot as a result of this disease. He's shown me just
how faithful He is to someone as small as me. He's shown
me true friends in the midst of a strange and perplexing illness.
He's shown me just how strong I really am, but more than that, He's
shown me how strong HE is. It's perspective, everyone. Look outside
of yourself, outside of your own suffering every once and a while,
and gain a little perspective.
No comments:
Post a Comment