Why and How I Am Able To Work

I am one of the lucky ones and I count my blessings for that every day. I can still get up and go to work, while there are many out there with Gastroparesis that are unable. While my job is not PHYSICALLY taxing, there are days when it can be mentally and emotionally difficult on me, which is just as bad. You see, I work at a local high school as a classroom aid with kids who are learning handicapped (think book slow, but otherwise fine). I LOVE what I do, but some days it takes its toll. 

Some days I have to excuse myself from the classroom to run down the hall--thankfully it's not too far--to throw up. Other days I feel so incredibly nauseous that all I can do is put my head down for a little while. Sometimes I find myself just staring off into space because I lack energy--not eating will do that to a gal. But I'm honest with the teacher that I work with, "I may be heading out the door quick today, just so you know". I'm even honest with the kids about my condition. There's no sense in lying. I've played that game before. It gets you nowhere. 

People have suggested that I go on disability since I struggle so much with (mainly) my Gastropatesis. There are days, like the last three, where I can hardly eat and I am throwing up what I DO consume. Honestly, the thought has crossed my mind. Sitting at home sounds WAY better than dealing with teenagers all day! 

But then I think of the kids...

I have come to know and love these kids and they love me. We have bonded over the years and if I even miss ONE day, they want to know where I am. If I'm upset, they want to know why. If they're upset, I want to know why. They know they can come to me with their problems, with questions, with work they need help on, anything. Even on days when I don't feel well, they can tell and will try and make me feel better. 

It is for those smiling faces that hope that I will come to their graduation(s), wish that I didn't hurt, write me sweet notes, and tell me that I'm the best teacher (aid) that they've ever had that helps me come to work each and every day. 

I know that there are people out there that simply CANNOT work and I can empathize. For a year I was unable to work as the doctors tried to figure out what was going on with me. I feel your pain. I cried DAILY to be back with "my babies" because I missed being with them. I missed being with them during my surgery recovery period earlier this school year--even the ones that drive me crazy! (I had kids tell me they missed me yelling at them!)  I pray that, one day, you all will be well enough to return to work or have a job for the first time. 

So, I guess this is for all of my kiddos out there who really aren't kiddos anymore. Thank you for making me laugh and smile every day. Thank you for helping me forget about my problems and inviting me--whether you like it or not--into your lives.