Choose the Words That You Use...They Hurt Sometimes.

When we talk to those around us, I don't think that we really stop and THINK about what it is that we're saying, particularly when it is people we're vastly comfortable with and people that are chronically ill. Those seem to be the two
demographics that are open targets for verbal diarrhea of the most random kinds. Now, being a person that says very random, sarcastic, and--in my humble opinion--incredibly hilarious things, I understand the moment when a person says something and then goes "DOH! I shouldn't have said that!" But it's generally associated with people that I'm vastly comfortable with. 



Come March of this year, it will be 5 years of being chronically ill and, to the annoyance, chagrin, sadness, and 
plethora of other feelings of others, its' not going away--frankly, it's a rollercoaster ride of plateaus of the same, worse, maybe an itsie bitsie better, and then I tank...you get the idea. And in that 5 years, I have heard THE most amazingly strange things come out of peoples' mouths! Honestly, there have been times where I have had to either bite my tongue from lashing out at them--which is completely out of character for me--or I've had to physically hold my jaw up. I know most people mean well because they think by telling me that I "look good" or that I "look healthy" they think that they're giving me a morale boost or something. They're not. I KNOW that I look good and healthy on the outside, but on the inside I feel like rubbish. I have been told to "just tell people that you feel fine" and "don't tell them how you really feel" because I "wouldn't want to bring people down that are around me". I have also been told that "if you can go to [insert fun place here] it can't be that bad"--I heard that gem from a doctor! Well, my response to that is:: Is a person who is sick about...oh, 75% of the time not allowed to have fun? I have been told that I just need to try this vitamin and that supplement and this concoction because it helped so-and-so's Aunt Betty. I've been told that I need to stop eating carbs, sugars, and gluten--FYI, I don't really eat all that much, PERIOD. Just ask anyone who takes the time to be with me. It has been postulated that I have an eating disorder, had gastric bypass, or it's all in my head thus having done this to myself (NO offense to ANYONE who has had gastric bypass because it changes MANY peoples' lives, but I get told "Oh, you had gastric BYPASS...! I get it!")

 
My advice to anyone with a chronically ill friend is just listen. Listen to what it is that your friend has to say what their life is like. Ten to one they're putting on a show for you and you have ZERO clue what it's like to be in their shoes. Instead of throwing out a generic "well, you..." or "I think you..." LISTEN, truly, to what it's like to live with their disease and then offer up a heartfelt response. We don't EVER like to feel as though we are burdening those around us, hence the smiles--that are fake--and the "I'm fines"--that are dishonest--but we do anyhow. Every time we have to be taken to the doctor, to urgent care, to the ER, or ask for help, we feel as though we are a burden. Every time we have to tell a friend we made another emergency room visit and the response is "again?!" it's a hit to the heart.