I'm Just...Tired

I stay pretty positive most of the time, but even in my positivity I can be honest and say:: I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of throwing up all of the time. I'm tired of being TIRED all of the time. I'm tired of putting on a facade all of the time. I'm tired of the pain. 

I'm just tired...

For once I would like to go to bed, sleep through the night, and wake up refreshed in the morning. For once, I would like to eat something, even something SMALL, and not feel pain and nauseous afterward. For once, I would like for my stomach to not hurt twenty-four hours a day. 

For once, I would just like to have a break...

I don't want to worry about what I'm putting in my mouth any more. I just want to eat something because I like it. I don't want to worry about going out and doing something with friends. I just want to go out and have fun. I don't want to worry about taking medications every day. I just want to get up and go. 

I just want to have fun...

I'm tired of frequently missing out on serving at church. I'm tired of missing out on parties. I'm tired of having to tell people "no" when they ask me to do things with them. I'm tired of sleeping through weekends. 

I'm tired of occasionally missing out on life...

Even though I am tired, even though I am sick, even though I feel this weariness I just cannot give up. If I give up, Gastroparesis wins and I can't let that happen. I met shed a tear, I might grouse, and grumble but I need to fight through this tiredness and pain and fatigue like the warrior God has made me!