It's My Five Year Sick-A-Versary

This week marks something special, I guess you could say, in my life. It's not something happy, but it's something significant. Thursday February 19, 2015 marks the day that I became ill, marks the day that I first started getting vertigo, marks the day that the snowball that started it all began to roll. Thursday February 19, 2015 is my Five Year Sick-A-Versary.

I expect presents.

In so many respects it's hard to believe that it's been Five Years since I've gotten sick. Quite frankly, it feels like I've been ill for an entire lifetime. The days, the months, and the years have all blended together seamlessly into one big vomitous blur (pun intended) that will, on the one hand, never end and, on the other, has flown right by. When you're a Chronic Illness Warrior, you are not subject to space or time...it's like you're a special character in Star Trek or something. You come to remember some things VERY acutely—generally, it's things you would rather forget—and other times you stumble over your own words trying to remember even the simplest of tasks—what's my name again?

In the last five years, I have gotten diagnosed with Gastroparesis, chronic migraines, chronic vertigo, peripheral neuropathy, and POTS. I have had my gallbladder removed and had a gastric neurostimulator placed in my stomach. I returned to work after not being able to work for a year. I have been in a major car accident (that wasn't my fault, but I was able to walk away from) that worsened by symptoms. I have had COUNTLESS urgent care and emergency room visits due to my gastroparesis. But, most importantly, I made friends with fellow Chronically Fabulous people who have helped encourage me along the way.

Head shot before I got Gastroparesis

Gastroparesis has changed my life drastically. It has slowed me down, made me more thoughtful, made me tougher, more assertive, a better listener, and thinner! There are some positives in this journey as a Gastroparesis Warrior, I promise. I was overweight before I got Gastroparesis—I weighed 289lbs—and have lost 116lbs because of it; a much needed weight loss, but in a VERY bad way. I have become peoples' sounding boards because they know I will sit and listen to them, a quality I have not found in medical staff and do not want to repeat in my own life. Similarly, I find that I have to assert myself, with medical staff—No, I do NOT want to eat for synthetic cow tasting beef broth!--so I have been able to use that in my professional life working with teenagers. But, given that I feel sick CONSTANTLY, making it through the day is difficult...very difficult. Every fiber of my being is telling me to give up, you're not strong enough. Give up, the pain is too much. Give up, you're too tired to go on. Give up, it's not really worth it. But I know that all isn't true and I've become tougher because I keep on fighting despite the pain, despite the fatigue, despite feeling gross all of the time.

Five years has taught me that I can LIVE with Gastroparesis. It's not an EASY existence by any means. There are days when I just cannot get out of bed and, where there had been a time that had bothered me, now it doesn't. I realize that I have an energy limit that I have and some days it runs out quicker than others...and that's okay. I have come to realize that a day eating nothing but Cheez-Its is a day better than eating nothing. And a day spent doing nothing but breathing is better than one where I don't exist.

April 2010

July 2010

 

October 2010

December 2010

August 2015