Surgery Update--Bye, Alfred!

Today, March 31, 2016 I had my gastric neurostimulator removed. I affectionate a named him Alfred after the butler in Batman figuring he would be my right hand man. Instead, Alfred didn't really help me at all. 

Alfred was placed August 2014 in the hopes of blocking the signal of nausea to my brain which, in turn, would cause less vomiting, which in turn would help me eat more. It didn't. I went into surgery weight around 177lbs. By the time I was entering my most recent crisis on March 1, 2016 I had dropped to 165lbs. Today before surgery began to removed Alfred, I had dropped to 155lbs. Clearly my right hand man had fallen asleep on the job. 

It's always a difficult discion to have a device implanted in you--it's a foreign object, hello!--but it's just as difficult to decide to remove it, even when it hasn't helped you in well over a year. The reason for this is that you feel like a failure. 

You've failed Reglan

You've failed Domperidone. 

Linzess isn't exactly working right either. 

And now you've failed the gastric neurostimulator. 

Internally you know you have ZERO control over it, but it's a blow to the ego, the psyche, your morale. You just want your life back, to work, to have a hamburger...but now you just don't know what to do. 

I know that I just need to keep pressing on. Trusting the process and doing my part by consuming what nutrition I can handle at this point to keep my body running. It's not easy...! But I know that's what I have to do. 

Boost is disgusting and the Boost Breezes are SOOO sickeningly sweet they're hard to drink. Ensure Clear are good, so I try and drink those. But Instant Breakfast in the bottle have a higher vitamin and protein count than Boost or Ensure, so I've been drinking that more. I recommend Ensure Clear and Instant Breatast in the bottle, they taste good. 

I hope that NOBODY has to go through this kind of nonsense. It's not easy and it's not fun. But for those that do, I'm here for you and we all have each other. 

A Quick Update

I know I've been quiet as of late and I apologize for that. Part of that is due to writer's block (ugh!) and part of that is due to being just so utterly sick. Since having Alfred turned off I have been quite ill and it's been horrible. Very horrible. 

I guess I didn't realize just how much Alfred was doing for me until he was gone.  It's like losing an old friend...you don't realize how much they mean to you until they're no longer around. I find myself continuously vomiting up anything I put into my mouth, whereas, with Alfred on, it was just a few times a week. 

Ugh! I detest Gastroparesis!

I'm venturing into the Land of Juicing to see if that has any effect on my condition before I ask to have Alfred reactived. I don't know if I'm doing myself any harm or favors by doing this, but it's worth a try. So far--only three or so days into it--I'm feeling zero change, but it takes time. 

I'll blog one day about juicing. 

I appreciate the support and prayers that I have received from around the world via Diary of A Gastroparesis Warrior. My hope is to continue spreading awareness about this horrible disease, get funding for it, and just let EVERYONE know that it's not just a simple stomach flu. 

Alfred...An Update

I knew going in to getting Alfred that the surgery was a fifty-fifty chance of working. I think keeping that in mind has helped keep things in perspective for me. The last (nearly) six months have been...not what I had hoped, I suppose you could say. Things haven't been HORRID but they haven't been all sunshine and roses either. But what should you expect when putting a foreign body into your stomach, right?

Almost since the get-go when I would go to get Alfred turned up, he would be moved down to a default setting...all on his own--little stinker! The doctor would move him past the numbers he had put him at previously and then, when I would come back again, Alfred would be back at the default setting again. Stinker! 

Now, for the last month or more I've been experiencing spasms, shocks, ticks...I don't really know what to call them. They don't hurt, they're just annoying and bothersome. So now, come FEBRUARY 11th, I get to meet with the representative from Enterra, the company that makes my gastric neurostimulator to find out what might be going on. 

I haven't lost hope in Alfred...yet. Maybe he just needs a little kick in the pants or something. Or maybe a little switch to Alfred 2.0...I don't know. All I know is that I trust in God's plan for me. I have to!