Then add in a Chronic Illness that makes eating out AWKWARD and it's heightened even more!
The suggestion I get CONSTANTLY is to join a dating site (ChristianMingle, Match, eHarmony, etc) because then, SURELY, I will be able to find someone. Naturally, this comes from well meaning friends and family that just want me to be in a happy relationship with someone. One thought popping into my mind:: is there a box for "Suffers from a few Chronic Illnesses. If this is a problem for you, please do not seek to contact me." I'm thinking that this is NOT an option.
In complete and total disclosure, I would prefer to meet someone more organically. This doesn't mean I have anything against dating websites because I don't. I actually know people who've met through them and married as a result. But for me, personally, I'd rather be at church or work or the book store and be like "Hey! Let's go out!"
But who wants to date someone who can't really eat and barfs up her food? Makes frequent trips to the doctor and spontaneously has to run to the ER? It's a big burden to take on...It's hard to watch someone you care about in pain. It would take a special person being WILLING enough to take that into their lives.
Coming from someone who has never really dated (sad, but true) and has a Chronic Illness, these are my thoughts on dating someone with a Chronic Illness::
1. Be Inderstanding--Understand the disease(s) with which your significant other lives with. Understand their limitations and understand their needs. Be understanding of the times when they need to just stay in for a night and understanding of times when dates get cut short.
2. Be Supportive-- Be there for them as much as you can in their time of need. If they're sick in bed, be there. If they're hospitalized, be there. Naturally, it's understandable that you have a job or school that needs to be attended to, but being supportive in the bad times is important for the Chronically Ill.
3. Be Mindful-- Be mindful of what works and doesn't work for your significant other. If they cannot consume a particular food, don't cart them to a restraurant with that food. If they cannot go long distances, don't plan a hiking date. Naturally, come up with things BOTH of you like to do, but be mindful of the limitations that the illness has imposed.
4. Don't Pretend to Know Everything-- Though you may have researched and read up on the disease(s) your significant other has, don't pretend to be an expert and know exactly what it's like to be in their shoes. Your diligence for trying to understand is GREATLY appreciated, but you're still not living it. Being an advocate but not a know-it-all.
5. Be Loving-- All ANYONE ever wants is to be loved for who they are despite what they're living with. (Gastroparesis is what I have but its not who I AM) Love your significant other for the person that they are on the inside, outside, upside, and downside. Love them for the good times, bad times, sad times, and funny times.
I hope that this little list, by no means comprehensive, long, or in-depth gives a little insight into how to date--at least--one Chronically Ill person. If you hVe other suggestions to add to the list, feel free to comment!
No comments:
Post a Comment