Batman Isn't the Only One Who Has His Alfred—I've Got One Too!

It's been 46 days since I've had Alfred put in—such an important anniversary—and life had been interesting, better, the same, and different, all wrapped up into one. I never went into the gastric neurostimulator surgery thinking that my life would be back to normal. I never went into it thinking that I would get better—there is no such thing with Gastroparesis. I went into it hoping for relief and you know what? I've gotten some. By no stretch of the imagination is it perfect. There have been a couple of days within those 46 where I just wanted to curl up and die...but did you notice that I only said “a couple”? It used to be pretty much every day.

I still find myself not all that interested in food—which I knew Alfred wouldn't help—and struggling to eat the food in front of me. The game of eenie meenie miney mo between water and food is fought every day because, if I drink too much, then I won't eat. If I eat, then I won't drink...so I have to try and find that balance. Here's a hint:: I haven't found it quite yet. I have mastered the art of the hip-hitch when I sit—no, I'm not tooting—otherwise, Alfred pokes me in the hip or the ribs. My surgeon said that there's only a small space between my ribs and hip so they found the best place possible and that's where they put the “pocket” that Alfred sits in. I know that it's just going to take time to get used to, so pardon the way I'm sitting.

Slowly I've made connections to when I've had my bad days, like after playing tennis—yes, tennis—at work with my student, playing football with him—yes, football—and holding little babies and passing them back and forth and to and fro. I'm discovering that I haven't quite recovered enough to do that...just yet. I'm wanting Alfred to launch me into the Olympics or something when I need to stop and wait for him to just get me through lunch! Small steps.

Maybe that should be my motto: Small steps...but I think I'll go with.................... ba na na na na BATMAN!

Metamorphosis...It's an Inevitable Change

Life, in general, lends itself to different kinds of experiences. Some of them are amazing and some of them...not so much. In living with Gastroparesis for nearly 6 years I have had some absolutely horrible experiences—Countless trips to urgent care, hospital stays, IV sticks, blood draws, 24/7 365 days nausea, copious amounts of medications, side effects of said medications, pill tests (swallowing pills that BLINK), MRIs, CAT Scans, physical therapy for vertigo (interesting, but not fun), lost friends, missed opportunities, missed plans, worried parents. Oh, and the vomiting, can't forget that. These are experiences that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy—if I had one.

But I have also had some of the most AMAZING opportunities along the way and they FAR outweigh the unpleasant ones. I've gotten to interpret for the Deaf at Angel's Stadium twice, go to a taping of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, go camping in the Big Bear Mountains twice, go 4x4ing in Big Bear and Death Valley, go hiking several times, do science experiments, go cosmic bowling, make friends, have parties, and SO much more. These are experiences that I will NEVER forget and, though I may not have been feeling top notch during any one of those given activities, they are mine to cherish because I didn't allow my disease to take it away from me.

The question still lingers though: has Gastroparesis entering my life changed me? The answer is simple...No...Yes. Deep down inside, I am the same sarcastic, goofy, happy, silly—I'm flattering myself here—person that I have always been. If you set yourself up to have something sarcastic said to you, rest assured, I will not hesitate to fling a sarcastic remark right at you—and I don't even have to know you! I have always been a good listener, willing to take the time to stop whatever I'm doing and help a friend in their time of need, to lend advice if it's wanted.

But, by the same token, Gastroparesis has changed me in that I probably talk about barf a little bit more than a proper lady should and how bloated I am after eating so very little and how that is ENTIRELY too much food on my plate (I can barely manage a few crackers anymore). Mentally, I think about where all of the bathrooms are between Point A and Point B, but rest assured, I am not above throwing up in an alley or on the side of the street! I have to daily decide the simplest of things...should I make my protein shake or just drink a ready-made one? Should I carry medication with me today or will I be fine? Is that enough water or do I want to deal with carrying more? I also didn't have to stop and think “should I take a Zofran (an anti-nausea/anti-emetic medication) before I eat or will I be alright this meal?”These are things that, prior to 2010, I never gave a second thought to!

Gastroparesis has changed me. But I am still the same.