GoGreenForGastroparesisAwarenessMonth

My name is Christine and I have Gastroparesis. Gastroparesis, literally, means "paralyzed stomach". Eating food is difficult for me, but is impossible for others who have this disease. Eating just a couple of bites of food, and sometimes sips of a drink, leaves me full. Many times I end up throwing up after eating because the food just sits, stagnant, in my stomach. I have lost over 100lbs. as a result of Gastroparesis, endured countless tests and doctors visits, many visits to the ER and urgent care, and tried innumerable medications in an attempt to dampen the symptoms of this disease. I have even had a gastric neurostimulator (a pacemaker) placed into my stomach, but it has all been to no avail. 

I am trying to spread awareness during the month of August, Gastroparesis Awareness Month, using the hashtags #GoGreenForGastroparesisAwarenessMonth and #GoGreenForChristine. 

Will you #GoGreenForGastroparesisAwarenessMonth during the month of August? Will you wear something green at least ONCE during the month to show support for this little-known disease and post it to social media? Would you be willing to post an infographic to one of your social media pages (because you know you have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc) to spread awareness? It doesn't take but a couple of minutes of your time to help spread awareness about this disease, to let people know that there are people out there who suffer with invisible illness(es) everyday. 

There are MANY ways to #GoGreenForGastroparesisAwarenessMonth and #GoGreenForChristine

1. Wear something green and post a picture to Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter using the hashtags mentioned. 

2. Make a sign saying you support someone with Gastroparesis and use the hashtags (be creative!)

3. Find an infographic and post it to social media and use the hashtags

4. Donate to a reputable charity (such as G-Pact.org)

5. Share links to blogs discussing life with Gastroparesis (such as mygastroparesisjourney.blogspot.com and emilysstomach.com)

6. Anything creative you can come up with!!

The point is getting the WORD and AWARENESS out there and #GoGreenForGastroparesisAwarenessMonth!

Please Do Not Apply For This Life

Throughout life, people try and gain the attention of those around them for various reasons. Maybe its trying to gain the attention of someone that you like by being flirtatious. In the case of an aspiring athlete, it's by sending letters and performing well when scouts

come to watch. In the case of a potential boss, it's presenting oneself professionally and providing an adequate resume. Children will even act out positively and negatively in order to gain the attention of their parents, teachers, and their peers. These are all understandable—and natural—parts of life. What I do NOT understand is pretending to have a chronic, incurable, or terminal illness in order to gain the attention of anyone.

You think I'm joking, right? I'm not.

Recently, not far from where I live, a woman was caught for faking having cancer. She duped friends, family, and countless others into thinking she was terminal, when, in fact, she was not sick with cancer at all. For what purpose? Attention. Money. Sympathy. She got what she wanted, for a time. Personally, I have come across people on Instagram who are faking being ill with various illnesses—and not even getting the actual definition of the illness correct—deleting their profiles and starting over when they're called out. Some go even as far as to tape and glue on fake feeding tubes with string and noodles! For what purpose? Attention. Gifts. Sympathy.

My question is this: Why!?!

Why on EARTH would you willingly invite—albeit falsely—these illnesses into your life? Why on EARTH would you want to be like any of us? Do you know what Gastroparesis, migraines, vertigo, and IBS has given me? Urgent care visits...Emergency room visits...IV sticks...CAT scans...MRIs...countless medications...the loss of eating many foods...the implantation of a gastric neurostimulator...and SO much more. And I am one of the LUCKY ones! Chronic Illness Warriors are all women and men who did not ASK to be ill, but, instead, became this way by no choice of our own. We

would WILLINGLY give up our illness(es)--not give them to anyone, but get rid of them—to be healthy and free! We often have to fight, FIGHT to have those in our circle understand what it is that we experience on a daily basis...the pain...the fatigue...the nausea...the unrelenting doctors visits...the loneliness we feel because people just DO NOT UNDERSTAND. And then when we feel like we've found a community where we've found people who are going through the same things we are, we have to be guarded, we have to almost quiz people to make sure that they TRULY are ill.

That is truly very sad. 

Can I be honest? Just go. Just go and be healthy and live your lives. Go be flirty with a guy (or a girl), go ride rollercoasters with

reckless abandon, go annoy your classmates. Be ADVOCATES for us, but don't try and BE one of us. It's not a life that you want. Not at all.

The Weight-ing Game

Before I became ill with Gastroparesis I weighed 289lbs. I was fat, but I was FAB-U-LOUS! I knew that I needed to lose weight, I figured that my weight issues bothered other people—because MY weight problem is always the problem for ANOTHER person, you know. However, my philosophy on that was: there are 359 other degrees for you to look if my fat behind bothers you! Now that I am living with Gastroparesis, I have to watch my weight for a whole different reason. In just two days I can drop five pounds—some girls are probably cheering for that one—and that is SO not healthy for me (or anyone!).

Due to the symptoms I experience—nausea, vomiting, early satiety, lack of appetite—eating is a struggle for me, thus comes the weight loss. I find myself struggling to eat most days and then there are those rare, but beautiful days, where I want to eat everything I see (and pay for it later). In either case, I have to remind myself to eat KNOWING that I have this disease. Eat knowing that I have to keep my body going. Eat knowing that I can't really drop weight or I'll have doctors “screaming” at me (they don't actually scream, they just politely, yet firmly tell me not to lose any more weight). Eat to keep my blood pressure up. Eat to keep my dwindling energy level going.

So, what does one do? I don't have an honest answer...

I don't know that ANY Gastroparetic can really tell you that there's a right way to eat for this disease. You have to find the way that works for you. This disease is SO complex and SO understudied, we're grappling along with it just as much as the doctors are. One minute you're being told to follow the Diabetic Diet and then the next minute that's being yanked and you're being told to do something else...it's all just so...confusing! And it's scary at times because at every turn you have suggestions and cure-alls and voodoo magic and holistic oils being shoved in your face and it's just overwhelming!

Don't give up..!

I am willing to try and am still looking into things to keep my nutrition going. I think starting out a Chubby Bunny is what has saved me in the long run. I wasn't ashamed then for being fat and I'm not ashamed to look back and know that I was because I think that's what has saved me.

Currently I use Juice Plus as a main source of nutrition—particularly when I am not feeling the best—as well as putting fruit into the NutriBullet and making a smoothie. My doctors hound me about eating “chew food”, so I make sure that I eat “chew food” too, but I don't have that much interest in it, to be completely honest. A lot of the time I only eat to make my parents and friends happy. “Chew Food” (as in solid food) hurts my stomach, so I stick to soft food when I eat it...soups, rice, mashed potatoes, etc.

Don't EVER take food for granted. Don't EVER take your body and its ability to do its natural functions for granted either. I look back on my life pre-Gastroparesis and I just think about how easy I had it, so little worry. Now, it's not that simple. I don't stress myself out about stuff, but I have to be mindful.

We're All Little Snowflakes

Seeing as how I'm on my fourth--FOURTH--night of no sleep, random analogies pop into my head as I lie in bed editing pictures and tossing and turning. As I was editing a picture of a snowflake ornament on our Christmas tree, something came into my mind:: stand back this just may be EXTREMELY profound here (probably not). 

We are all unique, like this snowflake--alright, it's a glass, mass produced product, but go with me here on this--because no one snowflake is the same. Each snowflake that falls from the sky is different, like fingerprints, like the DNA that runs through our body. We all are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. 

It's hard for me, as a person with a rather unpleasant chronic illness that just seems to have never ending twists and turns, to think, "Welp, God REALLY screwed up when He made me!" Or, "Gee whiz, God REALLY dropped the ball when He got around to me!" But God doesn't make mistakes because His thoughts and our thoughts are vastly different. (Isaiah 55:8-9) He knew what He was doing when, in February/March of 2010, I started to become ill and my life changed forever. I didn't understand it, I still don't understand it, but I don't have to because I know God has a plan and a purpose for it. 

Naturally I have the human instinct of wanting control, wanting to know WHY, wanting the pain and the yuckies to end, wanting the feeling that I am nothing more than a burden to those around me to end, but God has not chosen that yet for me. And, you know what? I'm fine with that. He had led me to write. To use the gift He has given me to tell my story, to tell other peoples' stories, and to reach out to others during their journey and help them along the way. 

We are all snowflakes. We are unique in our beauties and we are unique in our flaws. I have chosen to accept my flaws and turn them into a journey of a lifetime. How about you? 

Disneyland and The Girl With Gastroparesis

Every year around early December, myself and some friends go to Disneyland to watch either my mom or my brother (and/or his girlfriend) perform in Disney's Candlelight Procession. The Candlelight Procession is when 800 or so people carol down Main Street, USA and then form a human Christmas tree in front of the train station as a narrator--a famous person--tells the story of Jesus. Naturally, we have a day of fun and frivolity as well. It just does t feel like Christmas if we don't go!

This year I woke up with a sore throat, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from going! We first went to Space Mountain--my most favorite ride!--and I screamed like a little school girl!! Next we went on The Matterhorn and that is probably where I went wrong...I ended up sliding so low in the seat that I was on my lower back by the end. By the time we got to Indiana Jones I almost passed out...twice. I rode the ride, but didn't scream, and tried my best to play it off that I wasn't feeling really sick. I didn't succeed. There were three kids in the group, so while I took a break, someone took them on Tarzan's Treehouse--it was a nice little break. We next hit up Toon Town where the curb and I became best good friends (Forrest Gump referrence). 

We then decided to make our way to get seats to see the performance, only to discover that there weren't any left! We ended up finding a place to sit on a planter behind a tree, but you go to LISTEN not to SEE the Candlelight Procession. Anyhow, we're sitting there chatting away, everyone is eating food we brought--you only eat at Disneyland if you want to sell your first born and your arm--and I turn to my friend and tell her, "I have to throw up!" She gets up and asks a guest control about what they can do to help...there's a trash can over there...we can bring you a bag. I thought for sure they would be a little more accommodating as there was a bathroom about fifty feet to our left...nope! They then suggested I go to the restroom down the street to the right (I totally forgot it was there). My friend and I went there but got turned away because the narrator was about to come out. Ridiculous!!

Needless to say, I missed my brother and his girlfriend performing in the Candlelight Procession and spent some time in the restroom urping up what I didn't eat that day. We met up with the group outside the gates and the kids REALLY wanted to go to California Adventure, so, holding onto my friend's arm, we made our way there. Everyone road the Mater ride and I watched. Then I road Soarin' Over California with them as it's a slow hang glider-style ride. 

Despite feeling like junk the majority of the day, I had a good time. I think I was severely dehydrated and just overdid it. Plus, I think it might have been too much bouncing around after having had Alfred put in. I know it's been almost 4 months, but I think it may have all been a little too much for my body to take. Going to Disneyland to see the Candlelight performance rings in Christmastime for me, so MERRY CHRISTMAS!!