When I drove up to the Drive-thru Of Life, this was not the life that I ordered at the speaker. I didn't ask to be feeling sick all of the time. I didn't ask to feel nauseous 24/7, to have no
appetite, to throw up my food. I didn't ask to have doctor visit after doctor visit after doctor visit. I didn't ask to have all of these stupid tests done to me that hurt and are uncomfortable. I didn't ask to hurt, to ache in my bones after spending a day at the park with my puppy. Somewhere along the way there was a breakdown in communication. Somewhere along the way a signal got messed up. Somehow I ended up with someone else's life.
But no, it's my life...
And I have to remind myself that, while it's not the life that I would have chosen for myself, it's the one that was given to me and I need to make the best out of it. Beauty out of pain sounds so cliche, but it's the truth. A person doesn't know who they're going to touch in their journey with Chronic Illness, so you have to chose which Path you're going to take: Positive Life Changer or Life Dampener. It's really up to you.
When you feel sick and hurt all of the time, it's easy to take the road of Life Dampener REALLY easy. You can wallow in self-pity and the pity of others, live in your PJs, only shower
when the funk of life has caught up to you, and call it a day. Or you can be a Positive Life Changer and, despite the pain and struggles of your disease(s), live life as fully and happily as you possibly can (tubes, admissions, tests, and all!).
I know that the struggle of sitting on the fence between those two worlds is real, there are days when I sit VERY precariously on it and want to take a not-so-pretty swan dive
right into Self-Pity-Land. I did not want to be sick like this, I want to eat a hamburger (darn it!), and I want to be able to make plans to go out with friends without worrying about cancelling. This is no life for someone my age! But then I take a step back into reality. Counting the blessings and the positives makes the negatives of my life a little less important...Did you see how awesome the clouds made the sunset tonight?!
Yes, this is not the life that I ordered or would have remotely imagined for myself. I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. But to ease the struggles and the pains that I DO have to experience in this life that has been bestowed upon me, I have chosen to be (hopefully) a Positive Life Changer. I hope that you can find it within yourself to do the same.
