I'm
not really a New Year's Resolution kind of gal. I mean, I've made the
usual ones in the past of “I'm going to eat better this year” and
“I'm going to join the gym this year and get healthier”, but I
inevitably break the resolution, like most everyone else, within a
few weeks and I'm back to eating junk food and not going to the gym.
After so many years of breaking my resolutions, I stopped making
them, what's the point, you know, if I'm just going to break them
anyway. I don't like being an Indian Giver or a Promise Breaker or
whatever it is you might want to call it.
Now
my life has been drastically changed from those New Years Resolution
Days because what I would love to change cannot be Resolutioned away,
it is just a fact of life that I have to accept and that is alright.
It is not pleasant, but that, too, is something that I cannot change.
When you're chronically ill with a disease that nobody understands
and you don't look sick, your tendency is to either: a) wallow, b)
lash out, or c) disengage. All three are not healthy options, nor
very helpful to those around the ill person.
What
I CAN change is how I handle myself, my perspective on my
situation, and how I treat others during my bad days. I can let
people in on how it feels to be in my shoes. I can spread awareness
about Gastroparesis—without being pushy or obnoxious about it. I
can remind myself that, while I am living a life that I never would
have planned for myself, I AM alive. I need to smile and cheer
during my victories, no matter how small they might be. And regroup
after any setbacks.
So,
I guess, in a sense, I DO have a New Years Resolution. It's
not your typical, mainstream resolution, but it is one just the same.
I resolve to be kinder on my bad days (flare days), be a better
advocate for myself and other gastroparesis sufferers, and not hide
what it is that I'm going through—something that I have a tendency
to do.
